Running Blog: In The Here And Now part two of a three part series

26.2 Is three numbers seperated by a lonley period. It's only a numbers game right? Having gone from completly inactive, and reactive to active and dare I say for the first time in my life, on the offensive trying to find what I want for me. My running means more to me than physical condition. As I mentioned in my last blog it transends who I am. Iam someone who will push himself to the edge of everything I thought I could do, and then edge out a little further. My friend Gregg asked me the day after my marathon if NY had changed me, if I feel like a different person. And I answered him, "Yes, but no and not for the reasons you think" See I've been through a lot, but what person hasn't. Running marathons, helps me find a balance that I've never had. In anything. It's why I run, it's why I will keep running. yes, I am helping people while doing it, and of course, anyone who knows me knows that too is a part of it. but for me. When I run, and I know I have 23 miles left, 21, 15, 12, 7, 4 whatever, I run in my mind for me. For all those things but also to prove to me, that I am stronger mentally. And sure, training tells me I can do this but until you do, you just don't know. See I've seen people in a lot better shape than me fall by the wasteside, get injured, on cruches, in wheelchairs. Yes it's a greulling sport. Without a doubt. But nothing worth doing doesn't have it's risks. It's why I've chosen to make this past year all about me.
In my mind when the calendar turned I told myself, you will do things for yourself, you will work on you. Better yourself, find peoople who want to be in your life, and embrace them and if they didn't they would fall by the wasteside. I'm ok with that. One of my friends here said to me a week or so ago, that I've gone cold, that my heart right now is not warming up to others. See I disagree, I'm just not willing to give it out to everyone I meet. I now gaurd it but still put myself out there to see what's out there. Running has provided me with an outlet for my anger, for my stress in a way I can't explain. I'm a stronger person that I've ever been. Am I still me? I sure think so. I have the same group of close friends I've always had. Have I changed, you betcha. But I don't fear that change anymore. I know who I am and what I can do. I know that a day of being dedicated to my causes either for me or to help others is a day better than others. But it's a balance, I can't get too caught inwardly, which is why I love Team In Training. It keeps me humble, keeps reminding me that while I run for me, I still represent others, others who can't run, others who need help and while I can't cure them, maybe with my friends and donations along the way we can. It's humbling when you sit there and here all these mission moments given by your teammates, people you soon call your friends bare their soul about why they run, fathers, mothers children dying, getting really sick. Going to hospitals to see these chidlren. It reminds you of what you have and how you need to make the most of your health when and while you have it. It can be gone like that. It's moving, humbling and drives me. I won't like during the SF marathon there was (and for those who run there usually is) a point where you have to talk yourself out of quitting, you just want to. Your body hates you, your mind doesn't want any more, but then you see your teammates who have finsihed ahead of you still their cheering you on, one of my teammates whom I had just met that season ran out into the road with me and ran with me for a mile extra. Imagine running 26.2 miles then running back out there for one more to help someone else get through another mile. She looked at me as she ran along side me and said ,"Scott I am so proud of you, you have overcome so many injuires to get here, and you are almost there. You didn't quit then, you came to all the practices, and you are 3 miles from the finish so I KNOW you won't quit now. I am so proud of you, and so are all your teammates...LOOK" At this point I shook back into conciencious and looked around and saw team mates whom I didn't even know if they knew me, or saw me before this running up the road with me, yelling and cheering me on. When you see a sea of purple yelling at you to keep pushing it gives you a second, thrid or fourth wind. I looked at my teammate who came out nodded, growled something that I assume was thank you and kept pushing. There are more miles like that, espeically as you get closer to the finish, but that one stuck out to me.
As the calendar turns, and I look back a bit I ran 2 marathons in 6 months, 3 half marathons, countless races of smaller portions and will have ran more miles (roughly 625 miles this year) than I have driven (0). It's humbling t oknow taht all those people who supported me were right. I've gone this far, what's a little more.

Part Three: Where am I going?